Inspiration Board

Clearly, I am incredibly indecisive. I have narrowed down the colour scheme to navy and white, and I thought that yellow would be a wonderful accent colour. When I shared this with my mom, she went on a rant about how in Poland, yellow flowers symbolize unfaithfulness. As much as I don't care about my mom's superstitions, I don't really know how I feel about our wedding making all of our Polish guests think of cheating. My mom than suggested that I change the yellow to bright pink. So, I (quickly) made two inspiration boards to get a visual as to what a navy and white wedding with yellow or pink accents would look like. Opinions?

A Not-Damask-Bride

The way I see it, damask is the undisputed champion of weddings these days. Wedding blogs are full of inspiration for the "damask bride". I have to admit, I love the idea of damask. It's romantic, it provides a theme and central focus to the wedding, and gives texture to the decor. However, I have a problem with jumping on this bandwagon. It just seems done.After deciding on the white and navy blue colour scheme, I began searching for inspiration. I had this idea in my head to find navy and white striped table cloths. I didn't manage to find any, but I did find this:



This is Toile de Jouy and according to wikipedia:

"Toile de Jouy, sometimes abbreviated to simply "toile", is a type of decorating pattern consisting of a usually white or off-white background on which a repeated pattern depicting a fairly complex scene, generally of a pastoral theme such as (for example) a couple having a picnic by a lake. Toiles also often consists of an arrangement of flowers. The pattern portion consists of a single colour, most often black, dark red, or blue. Greens, browns and magenta toile patterns are less common but not unheard of. Toile is most associated with fabrics (curtains and upholstery in particular), though toile wallpaper is also popular."I love it! I love that it's 17th century France, I love that it's pastoral, that it's floral, and that it depicts love! I am going to use it as an accent throughout the wedding. My mom said using this pattern for table cloths might be a bit much :P

Cautious Joy

I have always held on to this belief that the more a person suffers in life, the more rewards they will reap eventually. Like when something bad happens to you, it's your get out of jail free card for something even worse down the line. This is sort of proven by the lives of many of my friends. Lately, I have questioned this philosophy, because my cousin in Poland had her arm nearly amputated by a machine at her work. I couldn't help but think: If my philosophy is right, than my life has been going way too smoothly and I am in for some major pain down the road.My life has been pure joy lately. I have a job that I adore, and the heart of a man who accepts me and loves me for exactly who I am. I have been lucky enough to have him forgive me time after time after time, and even though I have forgiven him too, I can't help but feel that I am the corruptive force in our relationship. Despite all of this, he asked me to be his wife. He got down on one knee with the most beautiful ring that I have ever seen and asked me to be his forever. I am so lucky. I am so screwed.It dawned on me while reading an autobiography that one of my students wrote in my Careers class that I have been putting up a defensive wall. This 15 year old girl, whose mom died of cancer when she was in grade 7, let me in on this little talked about event in one sentence. Than she quickly mentioned that she did not want pity or sympathy because there were people in the world that were a lot worse off. Although some might have seen this statement as wise or brave, I saw it for what it really was: A desperate need to keep the pain buried. A warning for others to not even attempt digging deeper. I saw this, because I saw myself in that statement. Constantly trying to appear strong.I don't like to talk about my life. Let me rephrase that: I don't like talking seriously about my life. I have no problem laughing at my past. Jokes about being a communist baby, baking potatoes in trash fires, or being the product of divorce come easily to me...I use them as a means to entertain. But very rarely do I pause to think how much hurt I have experienced in my life. Being ripped out of a place where I had family, friends, success at school, only to be replanted in a world that I did not understand. I was nine when we came to Canada. I was growing, trying to find myself. My lack of understanding for my new environment went far beyond my inability to speak the language. I was so unaware of the dangers of my new world that when a man asked me to come up to his apartment to "help him with something" while I was playing in the playground outside of our building, I went with him.I was damaged as a kid. My encounter with evil, paired with the pain of immigration, made me go a little crazy. I used to faint. Like 6 times a day, wherever I was. I would smack my head of the pavement, or pass out in class. Doctors had no idea what was wrong with me, despite running hundreds of tests. Eventually they got me a psychiatrist. Once I started talking, I stopped fainting.Weird how now I think that psychiatrists are for "the weak".My parent's divorce did a number on me as well. And on Matthew. Being so much like my mother (always worried about people perceiving me as weak), I was terrified that I would commit the same mistakes that she did. Mainly, marry the wrong guy and end up middle aged and completely alone. I projected a bit on Matthew. Put him through the ringer. Made him prove that he was good enough. It took me five years to realize that he was way too good for me. I once spoke with my brother about my fear of commitment and he gave it to me straight: Marrying Matthew was like buying a brand new Corvette on sale for 70% off. It's a guy analogy, but a very accurate one.And now Matthew and I are going through the immigration process, which is no picnic either.Anyway, the point of this post, I suppose, is to express how happy I am (kind of a depressing expression of happiness), and to prove to myself that I do deserve it. That nothing is waiting around the corner to ruin it.

Rodzinka

I love my family. I really do. My parents sacrificed so much to give me a better life here in Canada. My mom especially left behind a great desk job, friends, and family, to come to Canada where she works way too hard on the line for Chrysler. One of the many reasons that my parents separated is the fact that we came to Canada. I am not deluding myself into thinking that they would have been happy and in love had they stayed in Poland, but I think that they would have kept it together. The pressure of the huge materialism/consumerism really destroyed their marriage. Although, perhaps this is for the better - it forced them to confront the fact that they are completely wrong for each other, and move on. In Poland, they probably would have stayed together, but stewed in their own hatred for one another.Anyway, this is not what this entry is about. This is about the fact that I have discovered why people couple up and start families. Many people have been wondering for generations: What would possess a person to commit to one human being for the rest of their lives? The answer is simple: to get away from their crazy families, and establish a breed of crazy all of their own. Right now, I feel like I have been kidnapped by my own family, and am being held hostage against my will. You know how people say that they like children, as long as they get to leave them with their parents at the end of the day and go home? That's how I feel about my family right now.They probably feel the same way about me . :P

Our "Engagement Party"

After we got engaged, it was time to plan our civil ceremony, or our "Engagement Party" as we liked to refer to it. We had to get legally married to begin the immigration process, which we wanted to start ASAP. It was really important to us (or rather me) that we had a big and beautiful Catholic wedding, and it was just not possible to plan the type of wedding that I (we) wanted in a short amount of time. So we decided to have a civil ceremony first, and than the wedding of my dreams at a later date. Also, we wanted to make sure that our first days and weeks as newlyweds were spent together, which would not have been possible if we didn't have a civil marriage first. So we got to planning!

We decided that we wanted to have our immediate family present, because even though we did not consider this to be "the real thing", we thought that it was a significant and important step, and our family would like to witness it. It was important to me that this day be special, but I did not want it to overshadow the actual wedding day. Matthew's family travelled from Vermont for the weekend, and we hired an officiant to come to my mother's house and perform the ceremony.

We did the ceremony in my mom's living room. It was simple and lovely. I wore a cream shift dress with gold detailing and gold heels that were way too high. Matthew wore a suit that I purchased for him as an engagement present, and a gold tie to match my outfit! The whole colour scheme of the even was shades of creams, golds, and browns.


Warren Reynolds, our officiant, was amazing. He had a wonderful presence, and the ceremony he performed was just beautiful. Before the ceremony, I kept saying that this one was like the marriage equivalent of doing my taxes. But during it, I couldn't keep the tears at bay! I can't remember quite what he said, but I know it was very touching.

This is our wedding party. My sister and brother, and Matthew's sister and brother. The girls even accidently coordinated in chocolate brown dresses! I made my bouquet out of three orange calla lilies, and wrapped the stems in a gold ribbon.

After the ceremony, we had toasts. Matthew is not a man of many words, but his toast was perfect: "To the first of the many beautiful steps that we are about to take together".

We sat down to a beautiful dinner together; My mom really outdid herself! This was also a great time for our families to get to know one another better.

And what would a non-wedding be without cake! I think our mutual love for anything sweet is clear in our expressions.

All in all, our "Engagement Party" was fabulous. A word to all of you fortunate enough to be having a small wedding, but worried that you won't get that big bridal feeling: as long as you are surrounded by the ones you love, it will be the most beautiful day of your life.